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In that middle ground between pushing and ignoring, his son might decide that his dad is safe to come out to.” Discuss issues like same-sex marriage and stories in the newspaper that bring up LGBT themes. “Instead of a direct confrontation-are you gay or what?-DUD could make gay issues a part of the day’s general conversation. “In an ideal world, Dad Under Duress would take a slow and roundabout way to encourage his son to come out to him,” says John Schwartz, a correspondent for the New York Times, a father of three, and the author of Oddly Normal: One Family’s Struggle to Help Their Teenage Son Come to Terms With His Sexuality. I’m swimming in unfamiliar waters here with no life vest. And if he’s not gay, I worry I could seriously damage our relationship and hurt his pride by suggesting he is. He’s a sensitive kid, and I worry he’d lie or resent me.
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But if my son were gay, I would have a different, stricter set of rules regarding male friends. Gomer is a nice kid, and I’ve met his parents. I have no specific knowledge that anything has happened between them. But a friendship with a guy isn’t sexual… unless it is. I’ve had the (straight) sex talk with my son, and he knows that I don’t want him to be sexually active yet. If Gomer were a girl, these things wouldn’t be allowed. Sometimes they’re here when I’m not, and often they’re alone together with the door closed. My son has a friend, let’s call him “Gomer”, who comes over often. And, truly, if my son is gay, while I won’t pretend it’d be no big deal and not require a bit of mental adjustment, I’d love him and support him fully.
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I have no problem with gay people and I support full equality for same-sex couples. I’ve found gay porn on his laptop (yes, I snoop I pay the bill and I’m his dad) he’s shown zero interest in girls and he has always been a tad effeminate, though I know that’s probably an unfair stereotype. Over the past year, however, I have become increasingly convinced that he is gay. Our relationship isn’t perfect-I work a lot and he’s a teenager, but no major issues. Overall, he’s a good kid: gets decent grades, rarely gets in trouble. I’ve raised him on my own, basically, since birth, with help from some good friends and nearby family.
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I’m a 37-year-old single father with a 14-year-old son.